Schools are a swarm of people with different backgrounds, developmental levels, needs, stressors, and goals. Beyond academics, children often need support from the adults at school to learn effective social skills and peacefully resolve conflict. In the article Preventing and Reacting to Fighting in School, we lay out eight steps to equitably react to fighting and conflict between students. Here’s an additional resource from Center for Community Health and Development at the University of Kansas for background on what conflict resolution is and why it is important to practice.
Elizabeth Janca, experienced school administrator, licensed professional counselor, and Possip Reporter, shares ways to support and mediate conflict resolution between students.
The final step of reacting to a conflict between students includes facilitating conflict resolution when needed. Conflict resolution is an important skill for students to develop, but can be hard to navigate. Having written guidelines may help the students and mediator have a more successful conversation. At the end of this post, we’ve included a printable download for students as you navigate this process.
Be Proactive and Reactive
In the Possip blog Preventing and Reacting to Fighting in School, we recommend using conflict resolution as part of Step 8 in holding students accountable. However, we should engage in conflict resolution proactively as sometimes we need to have these conversations much sooner to prevent the situation from escalating any further. In these moments it’s important to wait until all parties are calm and regulated and when you’ve been able to identify why the students are upset.
In order to identify the root cause of the conflict, or real reason why someone feels upset, ask “why” they’re upset until you no longer can. For example, if a student states they hit a peer because they annoyed them, you may ask why did you find them annoying? The student may say they made a noise and motion that my younger sibling does and it makes me mad when they do that. You may ask “why does it make you mad?” and get a response about how it feels disrespectful. In this case we’ve identified the student was ultimately upset because they felt disrespected. Helping them discover the root cause will enable the student to communicate “I felt disrespected when you made that noise and motion.”
What should conflict resolution look like?
It’s important to set expectations for behaviors that are appropriate for the conversation. It may be helpful to have these printed out and viewable for students. You can click here to download a copy. Some behavioral expectations you can consider setting include:
- Be respectful – no degrading language or yelling
- Using gentle body language and tone of voice
- Take turns
- It’s ok to take a time out
It may also be helpful to share conversational expectations to help the conversation move forward smoothly. These expectations may include:
- Identifying the goal of the conversation
- Describing the problem clearly
- Staying on topic
- Showing you’re listening
- No distractions
- Verbal (Mmhmm) or (nonverbal) nodding
- Active listening
- Ask open-ended questions to get more information
- Try to understand their perspective
- Reflect on what they’re saying by repeating in your own words what you hear their problem may be
- Use “I” statements
- I felt angry when you yelled at me
Review these expectations prior to beginning the conversation. You can also set these expectations up as a contract for students to agree to abide by during the conversation.
Learning how to resolve conflict takes a lot of practice, the more information we can provide and model for students the higher rate of success they may have. These expectations also allow for mediators to have a guideline to hold students to in order to make sure conversations are as successful as possible.
