Speed Read (tldr) of Understanding and Coping with Grief
- Diverse Manifestations of Grief: Grief can stem from various losses, not just death, and manifests differently across individuals without a set timeframe. Recognizing these variations is crucial for appropriate support.
- Understanding Grief Stages and Types: The article outlines types of grief such as acute, complicated, and integrated grief, each presenting unique challenges and symptoms. Although the traditional stages by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross are not universally applicable, they offer a framework for personal reflection and understanding.
- Coping Strategies and Mourning Tasks: Effective coping includes acceptance, processing feelings, making life adjustments, and finding ways to memorialize the lost one. Strategies include self-care, seeking support groups, and professional help to navigate the mourning process.
Read below for resources, tips, and the why!
The American Psychological Association states that “grief is the anguish experienced after a significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person. Grief may also take the form of regret for something lost, remorse for something done, or sorrow for a mishap to oneself.”
Elizabeth Janca, experienced school administrator, Licensed Professional Counselor, and Possip Reporter shares different types of grief, the stages, and ways to cope with or mourn loss.
We often think of grief as a result of death, but it’s important to realize it can be the loss of a friendship, removing someone from your life, or regretting actions. Some important things to remember are that grief looks different for everyone, there is not a set amount of time to experience it, and moving on doesn’t mean forgetting.
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The Grieving Process
Experiencing grief is natural and what is considered “normal” varies based on culture, people, and situations. While it does look different for everyone, we can generally identify if someone is experiencing acute, complicated, or integrated grief. Firstly, become aware of different types of grief:
Acute Grief
- Immediately follows the loss
- May experience shock, distress, sadness
- Feelings may impact sleep, appetite, and anxiety
- Symptoms slowly diminish over time
Complicated Grief
- The symptoms and feelings of acute grief never go away
- The loss continues to feel unreal
- May be accompanied by guilt over the idea of “moving on”
Integrated Grief
- Symptoms of acute or complicated grief have been resolved
- You have accepted the loss and have returned to daily activities
- Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting, you may not miss them any less
- You’ve learned to cope with the hurt that comes with their memory
- Acute grief may reappear during holidays, anniversaries, or other important events
The Stages of Grief
In 1969 Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the five stages of grief. While no longer supported by science as a valid model as grief does look different for everyone, the model can be a valuable tool for self-understanding and reflection. Above all, it is important to note that 1) not everyone experiences every stage, 2) the stages can occur in any order, and 3) stages can be revisited.
Denial: “This can’t be happening.”
- A refusal or resistance to accept what has occurred
- May minimize or deny the situation
Anger :“Why is this happening to me?”
- Awareness of the loss
- May become angry at themselves or others
- May state that it is unfair and try to place blame
Bargaining: “I will do anything to change this.”
- A desire to change or delay the loss of something
- Potentially looking for false hope such as cures for a terminal disease
- Trying to change the situation by negotiating to avoid a breakup
Depression: “What’s the point of going on?”
- Awareness of the loss
- May isolate themselves and engage in the grieving process
Acceptance: “It’s going to be ok.”
- Coming to terms that the individual has been lost
- A cognitive and emotional acceptance of the loss
The Tasks of Mourning
Task 1 - Acceptance:
Emotionally and cognitively accepting the loss
Task 2 - Processing:
Working through the unpleasant feelings that the loss has brought up. It can be so easy to hide and bury these feelings. However, noticing, confronting, and naming feelings and help someone in mourning make sense of their feelings and experience.
Task 3 - Adjusting:
Getting used to the world without the person who was lost. Navigating through this may bring up internal, external, and spiritual adjustments that need to be looked at.
- Internal adjustments include changes to identity and self-esteem
- External adjustments may look like taking on roles and responsibilities that the person who was lost may have previously taken care of
- Spiritual adjustments involve reaffirming, modifying, or replacing values, beliefs, and assumptions about the world after a loss
Task 4 - Memorializing:
Finding a healthy balance between cherishing their memory and moving forward with life. Above all, remember that moving on doesn’t mean forgetting.
Coping with Loss
The National Institute of Health (NIH) provides tips for coping with loss. These tips include taking care of yourself, being kind and patient to yourself, and trying not to make major decisions right away. To reach outward for support, consider joining a support group, talking with a professional, and talking to your doctor.
