Learning self-advocacy equips children with skills to confidently navigate life’s complexities. As parents and teachers, we often feel the urge to solve their kids’ problems, but we sometimes need to resist this impulse. Allowing children to try things on their own can be essential at times to their development.
Cate Reed, seasoned administrator, current Senior Vice President of Teach For America, and Possip Reporter, shares tips to allow children to practice self-advocacy and resilience.
Why should teachers and parents should sometimes “butt out” of their kids’ problems to build self advocacy and resilience? Learn why as well as some practical tips on how to make it happen.
Practice At Home
Self Advocacy Fosters Independence
Constantly intervening in children’s problems can inhibit their ability to develop independence and problem-solving skills. Allowing children to navigate challenges on their own fosters resilience and self-sufficiency, preparing them for adulthood. These skills also ensure they can learn how to organize different parts of their lives without always needing an adult.
Tip: Let kids try things on their own. Let your child walk to the store by themselves to get a snack, or bike a safe route to school. It can be scary for adults to let kids try things that are new or without immediate supervision, but the success from these outings can build up healthy and safe independence.
Self Advocacy Promotes Self-Reliance
When adults constantly solve problems for their children, it sends the message that they are not capable of handling challenges on their own. By stepping back, parents encourage their children to rely on their own abilities and resources, boosting their confidence and self-esteem.
Tip: The next time your child works hard at something but falls short of their goal (in their academics or extracurriculars), name that you saw the effort they exerted but don’t step in to tell them they were accomplished. Just reward the effort, while acknowledging their disappointment. It signals that effort matters too.
Self Advocacy Signals Trust
Giving children the freedom to handle their own problems communicates trust in their abilities and judgment. This trust forms the foundation of a strong parent-child relationship built on mutual respect and understanding.
Tip: As adults we almost always can do a task faster than kids, but that doesn’t mean we should. Let kids try to crack that egg, or stack those boxes or read those instructions. The next time the adult is not around, kids will be more willing to give it a go on their own.
Editor’s note:
My 6th grader recently came home upset about a procedure change at dismissal. He complained (several times) about the incident, so I asked him if he wanted me to listen or if he wanted me to help him brainstorm ideas to solve the problem. He said he wanted me to write an email to the principal asking about the change and explaining how it affected my son. Honestly, I wasn’t that concerned about the change, but I could tell it really mattered to him. So I encouraged him to write the email himself and cc me.
He resisted, explaining that he thought the principal wouldn’t listen to him, would hate him, etc. I walked him through how to write a friendly email. We thanked the principal for her hard work, and then explained his perspective. I coached him to approach the situation with curiosity, and ended by politely asking for a response. He wrote the email, sent it off, and had a response from the principal the next morning. She wasn’t aware of the change and promised to look into it. Dismissal hasn’t been an issue since and now he has an email in his sent folder and experience he can draw from the next time he wants to learn more from an authority figure!
Practice At School
