Have you heard feedback on things you can’t control?
“I cannot believe school was delayed again! It was only rain! Don’t people know how much of a hassle this is?”
“The cafeteria food is awful! Too much fat and sugar, and the kids just waste it!”
“The school calendar makes no sense. Why is there another winter break in February? What am I supposed to do with kids off for 3 days?”
Cate Reed, seasoned administrator, current Senior Vice President of Teach For America, and Possip Reporter, highlights ways to accept and address feedback when the situation is outside your purview.
We have all received feedback that we might understand (and even agree with!), but where the decision isn’t ours to make or we can’t control the situation. Explaining that to an irate parent can only make them more frustrated because they might think you don’t hear them or don’t want to. If you just stand by the decision, it can seem like you are being defensive or dismissive. Both scenarios can break trust and leave everyone feeling dissatisfied or more upset.
There is hope – keep striving for a feedback-rich culture! While receiving feedback about something over which you have no control can be challenging, you can take steps to make the feedback and the interaction productive!
Acknowledge the Feedback and Appreciate the Person Sharing It
Begin by acknowledging that you have received the feedback. This shows that you are open to communication and value the input of others. Thank the person for taking the time to provide feedback. Even if the feedback is difficult or you disagree with it, expressing gratitude for their perspective can help maintain a positive tone.
Next Step: Send a quick email, a voice note, or even a text stating you acknowledge receipt, and thank them for taking the time to reach out.
Be Curious! Seek Feedback Clarification and Reflect
If the feedback is unclear or you need more information to understand the concerns, politely ask for clarification. This shows that you are genuinely interested in understanding their feedback.
Next Step: Build trust. When you are curious about a problem, you signal that you really want to learn more and know you may have more to learn.
Provide Context on What You Can't Control - Without Being Defensive
Remember, families provide feedback because they hope you or someone at school can do something about it, not just to vent. If there are valid reasons why you cannot control or change certain aspects mentioned in the feedback, communicate these limitations. Be transparent about any constraints that prevent you from making specific changes.
There is a big difference between saying, “I totally agree – this rain is annoying but no reason to cancel!” versus, “Yes, it was only raining at my house too, but in the outer suburbs there was a lot of snow – and the district had to consider both of those things when they made a decision.”
Next Step: To the extent you have specific context that someone does not have, you should share it. Invite them to share their reactions to that additional information to see how it might shift their understanding.
Focus on What You Can Control and Offer Ideas!
Identify aspects of the situation that you can control or influence. While you may not have control over certain elements, there may be areas where you can make improvements or adjustments. If applicable, suggest alternative solutions or compromises that could address the concerns raised. This demonstrates your commitment to finding positive outcomes despite limitations. When there is something you can control, consider making it a part of your school plan ongoing.
Next Step: You could suggest that someone take their feedback to an open school board meeting, or reach out to their school board representative, or start a letter-writing campaign to the food service company.
Last Step: Follow Up on Feedback
If appropriate, follow up with the person who provided the feedback to update them on any positive changes or improvements you were able to make. This demonstrates your commitment to continuous improvement.
Remember that you can view receiving feedback, even when you have no control over certain aspects, as an opportunity for learning and growth. Approach the situation with a positive and proactive mindset to foster a constructive dialogue.
